How to Get Through the Holidays While Grieving: Loneliness, Traditions, and Meaningful Keepsakes

The holidays can make grief feel especially visible.

A familiar song comes on. Someone asks about your plans. You see decorations in a store that you used to shop at with someone you love. A family gathering approaches, and you realize that the person—or pet—who used to be part of it will not be there in the same way.

Sometimes the hardest part is the empty space itself.

Other times, it is the expectation that you should feel happy, grateful, festive, or ready to celebrate when you do not.

If you are grieving a parent, partner, child, friend, or beloved pet, you may be wondering how to get through the holidays without pretending everything is normal.

You do not have to recreate the holiday you used to have. You do not have to abandon every tradition, either. And you do not need to turn your grief into a meaningful lesson or a beautiful memorial before you are ready.

The American Psychological Association’s guidance on coping with grief during the holiday season recommends thinking ahead about which traditions feel manageable, who you want to spend time with, and how long you want to participate. For people grieving a pet, Best Friends Animal Society’s holiday grief guide offers related advice about self-compassion, support, and remembrance.

The goal is not to make grief disappear for the holidays.

It is to give yourself a little more room to experience the season in a way that feels possible.

Source: G’Night Fetcher keepsake urn set in a home with holiday decor

1. Give Yourself Permission to Have a Different Holiday

One of the most difficult parts of grief can be the gap between how you feel and how you think you are supposed to feel.

The holidays often come with expectations: decorating, hosting, attending parties, buying gifts, seeing relatives, preparing special meals, or keeping traditions alive.

But grief does not automatically fit around those plans.

You might want to participate in everything and find yourself overwhelmed halfway through. You might feel fine for several days and suddenly cry when you hear a familiar song. You might enjoy one part of a celebration while wishing the entire day could be over.

None of these responses means you are celebrating incorrectly.

You are allowed to change your plans. You are allowed to feel more than one thing at once. You are allowed to have a quiet holiday without explaining why it looks different.

Instead of asking yourself, “How do I make the holidays feel normal again?” try asking:

“What would make this holiday a little more manageable for me?”

The answer may be smaller than you expect. Perhaps you attend dinner but skip the gift exchange. Perhaps you decorate one room instead of the entire house. Perhaps you arrange to see a friend on a quieter day rather than attending a large gathering.

You do not need to decide what every holiday from now on will look like. You only need to make the next decision.

2. Decide Which Traditions to Keep, Change, or Skip

Traditions can be comforting because they connect us to familiar people, places, and memories. They can also become painful reminders of what has changed.

A tradition that once felt joyful may now bring sadness. Another may feel more meaningful than ever because it connects you to someone who has died.

You do not need to treat every tradition the same way.

Try sorting your usual activities into three groups:

This is not a permanent declaration about what you will do next year. It is a way to make the current season more manageable.

If you are unsure whether something will feel comforting or painful, choose a reversible option where possible. You can agree to attend for an hour rather than the whole evening. You can put up a few decorations instead of all of them. You can decide to leave early if you need to.

You do not have to make an irreversible decision about a tradition while you are still discovering how it feels without someone you love.

3. Make a Plan for the Moments You Dread Most

Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays is not the entire day. It is one particular moment.

It might be sitting at a table where someone used to sit, hearing a song that reminds you of a person, opening gifts without a familiar family member, or reaching for your pet's leash out of habit.

Try identifying the moments you are most concerned about before they arrive.

Ask yourself:

• Which part of the day am I most worried about?

• Who might understand if I need a break?

• Is there a way to shorten or change this activity?

• What would help me feel less trapped if I become overwhelmed?

• Would I prefer company, quiet, or the option to leave?

You might arrange your own transportation so you can leave when you want. You might ask a trusted person to check in with you. You might plan a quiet activity for afterward instead of going straight from a large gathering into an empty home.

Planning does not guarantee that the day will be easy. It gives you a few choices when emotions make it harder to think clearly.

And remember: you can change your mind. If you decide to attend and later realize you cannot manage it, you are allowed to leave.

4. What to Say When You Need a Boundary

One reason grief can feel lonely is that people around you may not understand what you need. Some may avoid mentioning the person who died because they are afraid of upsetting you. Others may encourage you to celebrate because they believe distraction will help.

You may not have the energy to explain your grief every time someone asks.

It can help to have a few simple sentences ready.

If you want to attend but may need to leave early:

“I would like to come, but I may not stay for the whole evening. I hope that's okay.”

If you want to acknowledge the person who died:

“I would really like to hear a story about them today, if you feel comfortable sharing one.”

If you would rather not discuss the loss at a particular moment:

“Thank you for thinking of me. I am having a difficult day and would rather talk about something else right now.”

If you do not want to attend:

“I appreciate the invitation. I am keeping things quiet this year, but I am grateful you included me.”

You do not owe everyone a detailed explanation. A boundary is not a rejection of the people who care about you. It is a way to make the interaction more manageable.

The American Cancer Society’s guide to coping with loss also emphasizes preparing for difficult days, reaching out for support, and letting others know what kind of help would be useful.

5. Understand That Loneliness Can Happen Even When You Are Surrounded by People

Being alone and feeling lonely are not exactly the same experience.

You may have a full calendar and still feel that nobody understands the absence you are carrying. You may sit with family members who love you but do not know how to talk about the person you miss. You may feel that everyone else has returned to normal while you are still trying to understand how the world can look so familiar when your life has changed.

This can be especially difficult when the person you lost played a central role in your everyday routines.

Perhaps they were the person you called after work. Perhaps they were the one who made the holidays feel like home. Perhaps your pet was the companion who greeted you every morning, joined every walk, or curled up beside you during quiet evenings.

Their absence can change the ordinary shape of a day.

If you feel lonely, you do not have to solve that feeling by filling every available hour with activities. Sometimes a single conversation with someone who understands can be more helpful than a crowded schedule.

Consider contacting one person who can listen without trying to fix the situation. You might also look for a bereavement group, grief counselor, or community that understands the particular loss you have experienced.

For pet loss, Best Friends Animal Society’s pet-loss support resources offer ideas for finding support and creating small, personal ways to remember a companion.

You deserve to have your grief acknowledged, even if other people are ready to celebrate.

6. If You Are Grieving a Pet, Remember the Small Routines You Miss

Pet loss can be particularly difficult during holidays because animals often become part of the season's smallest rituals.

Maybe your dog always received a present to unwrap. Maybe your cat sat beneath the tree, watched you cook, or appeared in every holiday photograph. Perhaps you took the same winter walk every year or included your pet in family traditions that nobody else fully understood.

After a pet dies, the absence may be felt in those ordinary moments rather than in one formal event.

You might find yourself looking at an empty pet bed, noticing a missing stocking, or realizing that nobody needs their usual walk.

You do not have to force yourself to recreate those traditions immediately. You also do not have to avoid every reminder.

If it feels right, you could keep a stocking in place, display a photograph, tell a favorite story, or make a small donation in your pet's memory. If those things feel too difficult this year, you can leave them alone.

If you want more ideas for creating a personal tribute, our guide to 10 Most Beautiful Pet Memorial Ideas explores options ranging from photographs and writing to memorial objects and other forms of remembrance.

The important thing is that a tradition should serve you. You do not have to keep it because you think it is what a loving pet parent would do.

7. Create One Small Moment of Remembrance, If You Want To

A remembrance ritual does not have to be elaborate. It does not need to happen at a particular time, and it does not need to involve a purchase.

You might light a candle, prepare a favorite recipe, play a song, look through photographs, write a letter, visit a meaningful place, or share one story with someone who knew the person or pet you lost.

You could also choose not to do anything formal.

If you do want a ritual, make it specific to the relationship rather than to the holiday itself.

For example, you might:

• Cook the meal your loved one always requested.

• Share a favorite memory before dinner.

• Take the walk your dog loved.

• Write down one thing you wish you could tell the person you miss.

• Put a photograph somewhere you will see it privately.

• Make a donation to a cause that mattered to them.

• Set aside a quiet moment before or after a gathering.

A ritual can give remembrance a place in the day without requiring the entire day to revolve around grief.

For more ideas about choosing a date or building a personal tradition, see When Is a Day for Remembering Someone You Lost?.

You can also change the ritual over time. Something that feels meaningful this year may feel different next year, and that is okay.

8. How to Give a Memorial Gift to Someone Who Is Grieving

If someone you care about has experienced a loss, you may be wondering whether to give them a memorial gift during the holidays.

The impulse is understandable. You want them to know that you remember the person or pet they lost. You want to acknowledge their pain without making the season harder.

A thoughtful gift can communicate that the loss has not been forgotten. But there is no single gift that is right for every grieving person.

The safest starting point is to consider what you know about the recipient.

Choose acknowledgment over advice

A gift should not imply that the recipient needs to move on, find closure, or look for a silver lining.

Avoid messages that tell someone how they should feel or what their loss was meant to teach them. Even well-intentioned phrases can feel dismissive when someone is hurting.

Instead, consider a simple note:

“I know this season may feel different without them. I am thinking of you, and I wanted you to know they have not been forgotten.”

If you knew the person or pet who died, a specific memory can be especially meaningful. You might mention a quality you admired, a funny moment you remember, or a way they made other people feel.

Think about whether the gift is personal or practical

Some people appreciate a physical keepsake they can display or carry. Others would rather receive a meal, a handwritten note, help with errands, or an invitation to spend time together.

A gift does not need to be expensive to be meaningful.

Consider:

• A handwritten sympathy card.

• A favorite photograph in a frame, if you know the recipient would welcome it.

• A donation to an organization the person cared about.

• A small object connected to a shared memory.

• A memorial ornament or other remembrance item.

• A practical offer of help, such as preparing food or handling an errand.

• A quiet invitation that gives the person permission to decline.

If you are considering a deeply personal memorial object, it can be better to ask first rather than surprise the recipient. This is especially true for jewelry intended to hold ashes, an urn, or an item that assumes a particular religious belief.

The goal is to make the recipient feel remembered, not obligated to respond in a particular way.

9. How to Choose a Keepsake Without Making Grief Feel Like a Shopping Problem

A keepsake can be meaningful because it connects someone to a relationship. It is not meaningful simply because it was purchased.

If you are choosing a physical gift, ask yourself three questions:

Does it reflect the person or pet who died?

A photograph, familiar object, or personalized item may feel more meaningful than a generic symbol of loss.

Does it fit the recipient's preferences?

Some people want a visible memorial. Others prefer something private. Some like jewelry; others never wear it. Some appreciate religious imagery; others would prefer a nonreligious object.

Does it leave room for the recipient to decide what it means?

The best memorial gifts do not require someone to display an object, use it every day, or feel comforted immediately. They allow the recipient to form their own relationship with it.

A keepsake may bring comfort, sadness, or both. A recipient may put it away and return to it later. None of those responses means the gift was necessarily wrong.

At G’Night Fetcher, this is one reason we offer different kinds of memorial products rather than assuming that everyone wants the same expression of remembrance. Our comfort cards for human loss and comfort cards for pet loss provide one option for acknowledging grief without asking someone to make a permanent memorial decision. For people who already know they want a physical keepsake, the human memorial jewelry collection and pet memorial jewelry collection offer other possibilities.

These are optional ways to express remembrance. A card, a shared memory, or simply being present may be exactly what someone needs.

Source: G’Night Fetcher Grief Comfort cards can be one gentle way to acknowledge someone who is grieving during the holidays.

10. What If You Receive a Memorial Gift and Do Not Know How to React?

Receiving a memorial gift can be unexpectedly emotional.

You may appreciate the thought behind it and still find yourself unable to look at the object. You may cry when you open it. You may feel grateful, sad, uncomfortable, or simply unsure what to say.

You do not have to produce the perfect response.

A simple “Thank you for thinking of me” is enough if that is all you can manage.

You do not have to display the gift, wear it, use it, or explain why you are not ready. You can put it somewhere safe and return to it later, or decide that it is not right for you.

If the gift brings up feelings you did not expect, that does not automatically mean the giver made a mistake. Nor does it mean you must force yourself to appreciate it in a particular way.

You are allowed to receive the intention without making a commitment about what the object will mean to you.

Source: GNight Fetcher memorial jewelry as a holiday gift

11. What If You Do Not Feel Like Celebrating at All?

Sometimes the honest answer is that you do not want to celebrate.

You may not want to decorate, host, travel, exchange gifts, or participate in familiar traditions. You may want the season to pass quietly.

If that is how you feel, you do not have to manufacture enthusiasm for other people.

Consider what a quieter version of the holiday could look like. You might have a simple meal, spend time with one trusted person, watch a familiar film, take a walk, or treat the day as an ordinary day.

You can also decide not to make a decision about next year. You do not need to know whether you will feel differently twelve months from now.

If you find that grief is making everyday life difficult to manage, consider reaching out to a grief counselor, therapist, support group, or trusted healthcare professional. You do not have to wait until you reach a breaking point to ask for support.

And if you are supporting someone who is grieving, remember that continued contact often matters more than finding a perfect holiday message. A short check-in after the celebrations can mean a great deal, especially when other people have returned to their usual routines.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I cope with grief during the holidays?

Start by identifying what feels most difficult and making a flexible plan. You can change traditions, shorten gatherings, arrange support, create a small remembrance ritual, or choose a quieter holiday. You do not have to participate in every activity.

Why do I feel lonelier during the holidays after a loss?

The season can highlight familiar absences through traditions, shared routines, and expectations of celebration. You may also feel lonely when other people do not understand the significance of your loss. Reaching out to someone who can listen without trying to fix your grief may help.

Is it okay to skip holiday traditions after someone dies?

Yes. You can skip a tradition, change it, or return to it in a later year. You do not have to preserve every part of the holiday to demonstrate that you remember someone.

What should I say to someone who is grieving during the holidays?

Acknowledge the loss, offer specific support, and avoid telling them how they should feel. For example: “I know this season may be hard without them. I am thinking of you. Would you like company, or would you prefer some quiet time?”

Is a memorial gift appropriate during the holidays?

It can be, if it suits the recipient and the relationship. A thoughtful note, shared memory, or practical gesture may be more welcome than a highly personal object. When in doubt, ask before giving something that assumes a particular belief, preference, or wish to keep ashes.

What is a meaningful keepsake for someone who is grieving?

A meaningful keepsake is one that reflects the relationship and the recipient's preferences. It might be a photograph, handwritten letter, familiar object, memorial jewelry, or another remembrance item. No purchase is required to create a meaningful memorial.

How can I include a pet who has died in holiday traditions?

If it feels right, you might display a photograph, keep a stocking, share a favorite story, walk a familiar route, or make a donation in your pet's memory. You can also choose not to mark the holiday formally if doing so feels too difficult.

How do I support someone after the holidays are over?

Keep checking in. Grief does not necessarily follow the calendar, and support can become less visible after the main holiday dates have passed. Ask how they are doing, remember meaningful dates when appropriate, and offer practical help without expecting them to respond in a particular way.

You Do Not Have to Make the Holidays Mean Something Right Now

When you are grieving, it can feel as though the holidays are asking you to make decisions about everything: which traditions to keep, who to see, what to celebrate, what to remember, and how to explain your feelings to other people.

You do not have to answer all those questions at once.

You can keep one tradition and let another go. You can spend an evening with friends and the next day alone. You can remember someone through a physical keepsake, a story, a meal, or a quiet moment that nobody else knows about.

You can also have a holiday that feels ordinary, difficult, or unfinished.

You do not need to turn grief into a celebration. You do not need to buy something to prove that a relationship mattered. And you do not need to feel grateful for the loss in order to continue living.

If there is one thing worth carrying into this season, it is this:

You are allowed to make the holidays smaller, quieter, different, or simply manageable.

You can remember someone without making every moment about the loss. You can enjoy a moment without betraying the person or pet you miss. And you can let the season pass without deciding what it all means.

— Elsa Mou, Certified Bereavement Counselor and Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher.

About the Author

Elsa Mou is a Certified Bereavement Counselor and Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher. Her work focuses on grief, memorialization, and the practical decisions families encounter after human and pet loss.

Through G’Night Fetcher, Elsa works at the intersection of grief support, memorial design, and remembrance, with an interest in helping people find thoughtful ways to honor the relationships that remain important to them after a death.