There is a date for almost everything.

Memorial Day. National Pet Memorial Day. Birthdays. Death anniversaries. Holidays. Wedding anniversaries.

But after someone you love dies—whether a person or a pet—you may find yourself asking a much more personal question:

When is the right day to remember them?

The answer is simpler than it may seem:

You don't need the calendar's permission to remember someone.

An official day of remembrance can give us a shared moment to pause. But grief has its own calendar.

The date that matters most to you might be your mother's birthday.

The day you adopted your dog.

Your wedding anniversary.

The first day of summer.

The day your cat appeared on your porch and decided, apparently without consulting you, that your house was now theirs.

Or it may be an ordinary day whose significance nobody else would understand.

There isn't one correct day to remember someone you lost. A meaningful remembrance day is simply a date that gives you a reason to intentionally reconnect with the person, pet, relationship or memories you want to carry forward.

— Elsa Mou, Certified Bereavement Counselor & Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher

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Photo: A personal day of remembrance can be built around a date and ritual meaningful to your relationship. Source: G’Night Fetcher.

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What Is a Day of Remembrance?

A day of remembrance is simply a date set aside to intentionally remember someone or something that has been lost.

Some remembrance days are collective.

A country, religion or community observes them together.

Others are personal.

Only you—or perhaps your family—knows why that particular date matters.

And some happen without any planning at all.

A birthday arrives.

An anniversary appears on your calendar.

The weather suddenly feels exactly like it did that year.

You hear a song.

And grief seems closer again.

Research supports the idea that dates can matter after bereavement. A 2025 systematic review of 58 publications found evidence for what researchers call bereavement anniversary reactions, which can occur around death anniversaries, birthdays and other significant occasions.

So if a particular date suddenly makes you miss someone intensely—even years later—that doesn't necessarily mean you've gone backward.

Sometimes the calendar remembers, too.

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Is Memorial Day a Day to Remember Anyone Who Has Died?

Not exactly.

In the United States, Memorial Day has a specific meaning.

Observed on the last Monday in May, Memorial Day honors U.S. military personnel who died while serving the country. The observance developed from post-Civil War Decoration Day traditions and eventually became the federal Memorial Day we recognize today.

There is also a National Moment of Remembrance at 3 p.m. local time, when Americans are encouraged to pause for one minute to remember those who died in military service.

So if someone you loved died while serving in the U.S. military, Memorial Day can carry an especially personal meaning.

Visit their grave.

Tell their story.

Look through photographs.

Place flowers.

Participate in the National Moment of Remembrance.

Ask older relatives to tell younger generations about them.

Remember the person—not only the uniform.

But if the person you are grieving wasn't a fallen service member, you don't need to turn Memorial Day into a general holiday for your loss.

You can create a day that belongs specifically to them.

Learn more about the meaning and history of Memorial Day from the National Archives

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When Is National Pet Memorial Day?

National Pet Memorial Day is observed on the second Sunday in September.

The International Association of Pet Cemeteries and Crematories says it established the observance in 1971 to recognize the important role pets play in our lives.

Unlike U.S. Memorial Day, National Pet Memorial Day isn't about military remembrance.

It's specifically an opportunity to remember animals who have been part of our families and lives.

That can matter because pet grief is often attached to incredibly ordinary routines.

The morning walk.

The food bowl.

The sound of paws following you into another room.

The place on the couch that somehow belonged exclusively to an eight-pound animal.

The greeting at the door.

The bedtime routine.

When the animal dies, those tiny rituals disappear too.

National Pet Memorial Day gives families a reason to intentionally bring one of those connections back into the day.

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What Can I Do on National Pet Memorial Day?

You don't need to organize a formal pet memorial ceremony.

Instead, ask:

What would make me feel connected to this particular animal today?

You could:

• Walk their favorite route
• Visit a favorite park
• Look through photographs
• Put their collar beside a favorite photograph
• Tell your children stories about them
• Write down one memory you don't want to forget
• Donate to an animal shelter in their name
• Volunteer with animals
• Plant something
• Visit where their ashes were scattered or buried
• Display their urn with flowers or photographs
• Wear memorial jewelry containing a small portion of their ashes
• Cook dinner and tell the funniest stories you remember about them

The goal isn't to perform grief correctly.

It's to create a small act that belongs to the relationship you actually had.

If you're deciding what to do with a pet's cremated remains, this can also be a natural day to revisit that decision rather than feeling pressured to decide immediately after the death.

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Photo: A pet memorial can become part of the home rather than something that has to be hidden away. Source: G’Night Fetcher.

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Do I Need an Official Memorial Day to Remember Someone?

No.

And this may be the most important part of this guide.

Official memorial days belong to communities. Personal remembrance days belong to relationships.

The date you choose can be almost anything.

Their birthday

Birthdays can remain meaningful long after someone dies.

Some families bake the person's favorite cake.

Some visit their grave.

Some have dinner together.

Some do absolutely nothing except quietly acknowledge the date.

All of those are legitimate.

The anniversary of their death

For some people, the death anniversary becomes an important remembrance date.

For others, it's the date they least want to commemorate.

You aren't required to make the hardest day of someone's life the day on which you celebrate their memory.

An anniversary you shared

A wedding anniversary.

The day you met.

The day you moved into your first home.

The date you took a memorable trip.

A pet's adoption or “gotcha” day

Sometimes the happiest date makes a better remembrance day than the saddest one.

You might commemorate the day your animal entered your life rather than the day they left it.

A holiday

Thanksgiving.

Christmas.

Hanukkah.

Pride.

Mother's Day.

Father's Day.

A holiday can naturally bring someone's absence into sharper focus.

A completely ordinary date

This one is underrated.

Maybe you always went fishing together on the first Saturday in June.

Maybe Sunday morning meant coffee with your dad.

Maybe every fall you took your dog to the same trail.

A remembrance day doesn't need historical significance.

It needs relational significance.

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Why Do Birthdays, Anniversaries and Holidays Sometimes Make Grief Feel Stronger Again?

Because meaningful dates can function as reminders.

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs' National Center for PTSD explains that anniversary reactions can occur around personally significant dates, including the death of a loved one, birthdays and holidays. Such dates can bring grief or other distress closer to the surface again.

This can happen even when you weren't consciously thinking about the date.

And it doesn't necessarily mean anything has gone wrong.

Grief isn't a straight line in which every year must hurt less than the one before.

Sometimes the second anniversary feels easier.

Sometimes the fifth surprises you.

Sometimes a birthday is harder than the death anniversary.

Sometimes you're fine all day and a song at 9:14 p.m. wrecks you.

The calendar isn't a test of how well you've grieved.

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Should I Plan Something for a Difficult Grief Anniversary?

You can.

But you don't have to.

If you know a particular date tends to be difficult, planning something small can remove the pressure of figuring out what to do when the day arrives.

The VA's National Center for PTSD suggests that anniversaries can sometimes become opportunities for meaningful ritual, visiting a grave, writing, prayer, creative expression or commemorating the person's life.

Your plan might be as simple as:

Morning: Go for a walk.

Afternoon: Visit somewhere meaningful.

Evening: Order their favorite dinner and look through photographs.

That's enough.

And if the day comes and you don't want to do any of it?

That's okay too.

A ritual should serve the person grieving. The person grieving shouldn't have to serve the ritual.

— Elsa Mou, Certified Bereavement Counselor & Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher

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Photo: A remembrance day can be quiet and private; it does not need to become a formal ceremony. Source: G’Night Fetcher.

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Can Remembrance Rituals Actually Help With Grief?

Rituals aren't a cure for grief, and we shouldn't overstate what the research tells us.

But there is evidence that meaningful rituals can be useful.

In one series of experiments published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, people reflecting on or performing rituals after loss reported lower levels of grief, with researchers identifying an increased sense of control as one possible mechanism.

Other research is more nuanced. A longitudinal study of hundreds of bereaved people found that funerals and grief rituals were generally considered helpful, but their use wasn't significantly associated with later grief reactions.

That's worth saying plainly.

There is no magic ritual guaranteed to make grief easier.

The value may lie less in performing the “right” ceremony and more in creating something meaningful to you.

A 2025 longitudinal study of bereavement rituals similarly emphasized the importance of the meaning mourners attach to rituals rather than simply how many rituals they perform.

That's why a tiny personal ritual can sometimes matter more than an elaborate ceremony.

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The G’Night Fetcher Remembrance Day Test

If you want to establish an annual day of remembrance but don't know which date to choose, start with these five questions.

1. Does this date belong to our relationship?

Don't automatically choose the date of death.

Ask which date best represents the relationship.

Their birthday?

Your anniversary?

Your pet's adoption day?

The first Sunday of a particular season?

Choose the date that feels like them, not merely the date convention says should matter.

2. Does remembering on this date feel meaningful rather than obligatory?

A remembrance ritual isn't homework.

If a date fills you primarily with dread, you are allowed to choose another one.

3. Is there one thing I could realistically repeat every year?

Keep it simple.

Visit somewhere.

Cook something.

Wear something.

Play a song.

Look through photographs.

Donate.

Take a walk.

Light a candle.

Tell one story.

A ritual that takes twenty minutes and actually happens may matter more than an elaborate tradition nobody wants to organize.

4. Does the ritual reflect who they actually were?

Don't choose what a memorial is supposed to look like.

Choose what reminds you of the person or pet.

If your mother hated flowers but loved cheeseburgers, buying lilies every year may make considerably less sense than getting fries.

If your dog was happiest with his head hanging out of the car window, take the drive.

5. Would I still want to do this if nobody else knew?

This question strips away performance.

If nobody posted about it...

If nobody praised it...

If nobody even knew you did it...

Would it still make you feel connected to them?

If yes, you may have found your ritual.

The best remembrance day isn't necessarily the date everyone else recognizes. It's the date that keeps a relationship recognizable to you.

— Elsa Mou, Certified Bereavement Counselor & Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher

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What Are Some Simple Annual Remembrance Rituals?

Start smaller than you think you need to.

The One-Story Ritual

Every year, tell someone one story about the person or pet.

Over time, you're preserving an oral history.

The Same-Place Ritual

Return somewhere meaningful.

A beach.

A restaurant.

A hiking trail.

A park bench.

Your backyard.

The Favorite-Thing Ritual

Cook their favorite meal.

Watch the terrible movie they loved.

Play their favorite album.

Take your late dog's old walking route.

The New-Memory Ritual

Do something new in their honor each year.

Visit somewhere.

Try something they would have loved.

Make a donation.

Help someone.

The Memory-Box Ritual

Add one photograph, letter or written memory to a box each year.

The Wear-It Ritual

Wear something associated with them—a watch, ring, necklace, scarf or memorial jewelry—on that date.

The Memory-Table Ritual

For one day, create a small display with photographs, flowers, handwritten memories and meaningful objects.

If you keep someone's ashes in a decorative urn, the urn can become part of that display rather than being treated as something separate from everyday memory.

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Do I Need a Physical Memorial?

No.

A remembrance day can exist entirely through actions.

You can cook.

Walk.

Talk.

Write.

Listen.

Visit.

Donate.

Volunteer.

Remember.

But some people appreciate having a physical object that gives the ritual a focal point.

That might be:

A photograph.

A handwritten letter.

A recipe.

A collar.

A piece of clothing.

An urn.

A piece of cremation jewelry.

A memorial stone.

A candle.

The object isn't the remembrance.

It's a prompt for the remembrance.

This idea is consistent with what grief researchers call continuing bonds—the ongoing emotional or symbolic relationship people may maintain with someone who has died, rather than assuming healthy grief requires completely severing that connection.

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How Can an Urn Become Part of a Remembrance Ritual?

If you keep someone's ashes at home, you don't necessarily have to leave the urn untouched in the same location forever.

On a birthday or remembrance day, you might arrange photographs and flowers nearby.

Place handwritten memories around it.

Gather family members around the display and tell stories.

Move it temporarily into the room where everyone is gathering, if doing so feels right and can be done safely.

Or do nothing differently at all.

At G’Night Fetcher, we think about urns as memorial objects that can live alongside the rest of a person's story, rather than containers that automatically need to look clinical or be hidden away.

That's one reason decorative memorial design matters to us.

Explore G’Night Fetcher's guide to creative memorials and remembrance

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Photo: A decorative urn can become part of an everyday memory space or an annual remembrance ritual. Source: G’Night Fetcher.

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What About Cremation Jewelry on Birthdays and Anniversaries?

Some people don't want a memorial object prominently displayed at home.

They prefer something private.

Cremation jewelry can hold a very small portion of ashes and be worn on a birthday, anniversary, holiday or other significant date—or every day.

But you don't need ashes for wearable remembrance.

A loved one's existing necklace, watch or ring may carry more meaning than anything purchased after their death.

Again, begin with the relationship and work outward.

Don't begin with the product and try to manufacture meaning around it.

For people who do want a contemporary memorial piece, G’Night Fetcher's human memorial collection includes discreet cremation jewelry designed to function as jewelry first while carrying private significance for the wearer.

Explore G’Night Fetcher's memorial jewelry and keepsakes guide

Photo: Memorial jewelry can become a private remembrance ritual on meaningful dates—or in everyday life. Source: G’Night Fetcher.

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What If I Don't Want to Observe the Anniversary at All?

Then don't.

A meaningful approach to remembrance has to leave room for not remembering on command.

Maybe you don't want to commemorate the day your spouse died.

Maybe National Pet Memorial Day feels too sad.

Maybe you want your dog's adoption anniversary to be the day you remember instead.

Maybe you don't want an annual ritual at all.

You aren't forgetting someone because you didn't light a candle on the correct date.

And you aren't grieving incorrectly because an anniversary passed without ceremony.

You may discover that the most meaningful memories arrive unexpectedly.

A smell.

A song.

A joke.

A familiar street.

The strange way sunlight hits the kitchen at 5 p.m.

A ritual can make space for memory.

It should never turn memory into an obligation.

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Can I Change My Remembrance Tradition Over Time?

Absolutely.

In the first year after a death, you might want a gathering.

Five years later, you might prefer dinner with one person.

Ten years later, you may simply notice the date and smile at a photograph.

That's not necessarily forgetting.

The relationship between memory and grief can change.

The concept of continuing bonds recognizes that our relationship with someone who has died can be reconstructed and integrated into our ongoing lives rather than simply disappearing.

Your ritual is allowed to evolve with that relationship.

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A Date Can Hold Memory Without Holding You Still

Official remembrance days have an important purpose.

Memorial Day gives Americans a shared moment to honor military personnel who died in service.

National Pet Memorial Day gives people a shared opportunity to remember animals whose lives mattered enormously to them.

But neither holiday needs to determine your personal calendar of grief.

Maybe your day is September's second Sunday.

Maybe it's May's last Monday because someone you loved died in military service.

Maybe it's a birthday.

An anniversary.

An adoption day.

The first snowfall.

A Sunday morning.

Or a date that means absolutely nothing to the rest of the world.

What matters isn't whether the calendar recognizes it.

It's whether you recognize them.

Create a ritual if it helps.

Change it when it stops helping.

Invite everyone.

Invite one person.

Or tell nobody.

The relationship was yours.

The remembrance can be yours too.

You don't need the calendar's permission to remember someone. You only need a reason that still feels like love.

— Elsa Mou, Certified Bereavement Counselor & Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher

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Quick Answers About Memorial Days & Remembrance Anniversaries

Is Memorial Day for everyone who has died?

No. In the United States, Memorial Day specifically honors military personnel who died while serving the country.

When is National Pet Memorial Day?

National Pet Memorial Day is observed on the second Sunday in September each year. The IAOPCC says it established the observance in 1971.

What day should I remember someone who died?

There is no required date. You might choose their birthday, death anniversary, wedding anniversary, another meaningful date, or create your own annual day of remembrance.

Do I have to commemorate the anniversary of someone's death?

No. Some people find death anniversaries meaningful; others prefer birthdays or happier dates. There is no requirement to observe any anniversary.

Why do I feel sad around the anniversary of someone's death?

Significant dates can trigger what researchers call bereavement or anniversary reactions. These can occur around death anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and other meaningful dates.

Is it normal to feel grief again years later on an anniversary?

Grief and sadness around significant anniversaries are common. A renewed emotional response doesn't by itself mean you've failed to adapt to the loss.

What can I do on a loved one's birthday after they die?

You could cook their favorite food, visit somewhere meaningful, tell stories, look at photographs, write them a letter, make a donation, wear something associated with them or simply acknowledge the day privately.

What can I do on National Pet Memorial Day?

Consider walking your pet's favorite route, displaying photographs, visiting where their ashes were scattered, volunteering, donating to an animal organization, creating a memory table or sharing stories about them.

Do grief rituals actually help?

Some research suggests rituals can reduce grief or provide a sense of control, while other studies find a more nuanced relationship between ritual and later grief outcomes. Meaning and personal relevance appear to matter; there is no single ritual proven to work for everyone.

Can I create my own day of remembrance?

Yes. A personal remembrance day can be any date that carries meaning for you and can include any ritual that authentically reflects your relationship.

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About the Author

Elsa Mou is a Certified Bereavement Counselor and Co-Founder of G’Night Fetcher, a memorial and grief-support brand focused on helping families navigate pet and human loss through educational resources and thoughtfully designed memorial keepsakes.

Elsa's work sits at the intersection of bereavement support, memorialization and design, with particular interest in how people preserve identity, relationships and connection after death.

She has been invited to speak at ICCFA's DEADTalks, and her work with G’Night Fetcher focuses on helping families find more personal, thoughtful and beautiful ways to remember both people and pets.

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About G’Night Fetcher

G’Night Fetcher is a design-focused memorial and grief-support brand creating distinctive keepsakes for pet and human loss.

G’Night Fetcher creates decorative cremation urns, discreet cremation jewelry, grief-support cards and other memorial keepsakes around a simple belief:

The objects we use to remember someone we love don't have to feel generic, clinical or hidden away.

The brand's educational work also explores grief, remembrance, memorial rituals and the practical decisions families encounter after human and pet loss.

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Expert Sources & Further Reading

National Archives — Memorial Day: A Commemoration

International Association of Pet Cemeteries and Crematories — National Pet Memorial Day

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs — Anniversary Reactions and Recurring Reminders

PubMed — Systematic Review of Bereavement Anniversary Reactions

PubMed — Rituals Alleviate Grieving for Loved Ones, Lovers, and Lotteries

APA Dictionary of Psychology — Continuing Bond